One year ago...

Hello, my name is Adrienne, and I’m in denial.

Hello, Adrienne.

My sweet, adorable, beautiful baby girl is NOT turning one. She is NOT leaving infancy behind and turning into a *gulp* toddler before our very eyes. She is NOT becoming her own person. *sobbing* She is NOT gaining independence and leaving her parents behind!

Aaaaaand I’m breathing.

Sophie Adele, once so small in our arms, won’t stay there anymore. She’s too busy exploring, wanting to crawl and move. Every so often, she’ll look back at one of us and give us the biggest six-toothed smile, reassuring herself that we’re here [and us in the process], and that’s where we’re staying. Having her, she has unknowingly made our lives inherently better and has blessed us in a million ways. Her toothy smiles, her noises and babbling, her sighs when she sleeps, her toots and burps, her laughs, when she shares her paci and her sippy cup, when she waves at complete strangers at the store, when she giggles after she sneezes, when she claps when I sing to her, when she sticks out her tongue when looking in the mirror at herself, when she squeals with delight being on the swings. These all make up this little person she is. My heart swells and I don’t ever want to forget how she is right now, before she grows up any more. I want to keep looking back, as Sophie does every so often, but I know I can’t. All we can do is be there when she looks back, teaching her everything we can about life and how to make the right choices, equipping her for her future, whatever that may be. I may not be ready for it, but it’s happening nonetheless.

Yesterday, we decided since it was a double dark, that we should have a little get together on site to celebrate. I bought balloons and the people at the store gave Sophie a free balloon with “Baby” on it. Apparently they did not tie it on well enough, and it flew away. As it was drifting higher and higher, farther and farther away, I had a moment. You ever have that, like in Calvin and Hobbes, when something ‘clicks,’ Calvin has an asterisk over his head? I had one. I was watching Sophie’s babyhood float away. Literally. That action perfectly sums up exactly how I am feeling.

I remember the day she was born so vividly. It was a Sunday and we were living in Alexandria, VA. I was 35 1/2 weeks pregnant, clearly NOT even close to my estimated due date. Jim’s alarm went off. And went off. And went off, always hitting snooze. He got up and I was going to stay in bed a while longer, seeing as making a baby is hard and tiring work. He was eating breakfast and getting ready to leave soon, and since I had a baby’s head pushing on my bladder, I decided to use the restroom. I got up and there was a gushing of liquid. And I wasn’t peeing. I barely made it to the bathroom and called Jim. He came and brought me my cell phone so I could call the doctor. After he kindly offered to make breakfast for us, I think figured this was probably the real thing. Thank goodness I ate those eggs he made me, ice chips and popsicles for a day as exhausting as that is NOT OKAY, but that’s another post. Anyway, he made sure I ate and brought garbage bags to sit on in the car (heh heh!), grabbed my overnight bag and body pillow and we were out the door. He went to get the car while I got dressed and met him in the front. Anthony Gatto, the juggler, was leaving to go to work when he noticed that Jim was driving a bit fast for a parking lot. He called to us and Jim quickly said, “Water broke!” and he nodded knowingly and wished us luck.

The drive to Fairfax, VA was a quick one, since it was Sunday. [We had two “scares” earlier that week, with horrible traffic!] Jim dropped me off to park, and I went upstairs to check in. I remember them asking, “Are you in labor?” “Well, my water broke, so yeah!” She got me checked in and asked if I wanted a wheelchair. Nope. I met Jim by the elevators and we walked to Labor and Delivery together,

They put me in a room, and Jim started doing all the right things: turning on relaxing music, massaging my shoulders and feet, talking to me, reminding me to breathe. This was it. Here we go. The nurse came in, put me on an IV and hooked me up to the monitor. A few hours later, the contractions were getting pretty uncomfortable, so I asked for the epidural. I won’t get too graphic here, but honestly, that was the worst pain I had all that day. The guy took four pokes to get it right. Whew! After that, it was all worth it.

So, this same scenario went on for a few more hours, waiting for the baby to descend. She never did. In fact, every time I had a contraction, her heart rate went so far down that the nurses and doctor came rushing in. They put me on oxygen and didn’t tell me or Jim what was going on. The doctor recommended a c-section. Scared could not even begin to explain how I was feeling. I didn’t really want one but about a month before had a gut feeling it was going to happen. Later on, the doctor told me that the cord was wrapped around her neck TWICE. I am so thankful they acted as quickly as they did. There are so many ‘coulds’– she could have had brain damage from lack of oxygen, or worst-case, she could have died.

They wheeled me into the room, making Jim stay outside while the prepped me. I was so cold I was shivering and nauseous. They gave me warm blankets and a shot of something in my IV to make me not get sick. All I wanted was to see my baby and see my husband. I did not want to be alone. Finally, Jim was allowed to come in and he sat facing me. He held my hand and talked to me, knowing I was scared. I didn’t feel anything and the next thing I knew, Sophie Adele was born on December 7, 2008 and 9:48 pm. Her cry was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard, over all the symphonies and overtures I had experienced in my life. I knew at hearing her cry that everything was going to be okay, that we were a family now, and we would work through everything together.

A year later, she has grown into the most beautiful person. A beautiful TODDLER. She has a gentleness I cannot explain, and a sweet, soft nature. She’s genuine. This year has gone by faster than I can ever fathom, but every second we have spent with her has been a blessing, and a pure joy!

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